I watched an entire episode of “American Gladiators” tonight, for the first time in months. Partly because really, truly, there’s nothing on (”Celebrity Circus”? “Wipeout”?). But also because I was drawn in by one of the contestants - 52-year-old Yoko Ohigashi, pictured.

Going up against the rather annoying 20 -year-old Bostonian Annie Castellano, it was clear what the producers were hoping for - that the Yoko, who clearly was an impressive enough athlete to get through the tryout stage (I was there, it’s fairly strenuous), would defy her age and show the younger contender a thing or two about a thing or two.

It didn’t work out like that.

In the first two competitions, Joust and Pyramid, Yoko was completely dominated in every way, being knocked off the Joust platform in about 10 seconds, and tossed around at will by Crush on Pyramid. Basically, she looked like a 52-year-old lady that was attempting to do these things; giving a valiant effort, but far short of some sort of transcendent athlete that would have made for truly compelling television.

Apparently, Yoko did much better in the next two events - winning Hang Tough and Snapback, but those were only shown through clips (which is fine with me - Snapback sucks bad). Still odd, though, that these would be the ones they skipped, since evidently they were the only flashes of competence Yoko showed all night. The last pre-Eliminator event was Sideswipe, where she did get one point before being knocked into the water - the same as her opponent. She ended with only a one point disadvantage, meaning Annie got just a half-second head start on the Elminator, so at that point I was like “OK! Now Annie is really going to get a chance to shine!”

Well, no. She was quickly outpaced, and showed her greatest struggle on the hand bike, which I knew would probably be an issue for her. Almost immediately, she fell into the balloon pit below - as did Annie, to be fair - but instead of getting up and climbing back onto the course like you’re supposed to, she just laid there for way longer than was comfortable. Even the announcer made note about it. Eventually, she did get up, and finish the course, but it was approximately a half hour after Annie finished.

Now, Yoko surely did better than most people would have, and was really nice and friendly the whole time. And her parents, who by math must be at least 200 years old, were there in attendance, which was sweet. But come on. What did this prove? That a 52-year-old woman can…perform much worse in an athletic contest than a 20-year-old? Didn’t we, y’know, know that already?

It’s even weirder when you consider that the winners of the season become Gladiators for the next season. What would Yoko’s nickname have been? The Silver Fox? The Boniva Bombshell?

But anyway, good for her. Honestly. She looked like she was having fun. Maybe the next installment of “The Bachelorette” can star the old lady from “Titanic.”

Gossip Girl
7 p.m., The CW
After last week’s major OMFGage, hopefully we’ll get some more clue about the wacky bombshell that Serena (Blake Lively) dropped. Plus, we can look forward to more of Georgina’s (Michelle Trachtenberg) Machiavellian machinations - they are going so over the top with that character that it’s ridiculous and awesome (though stopping just short of being ridiculously awesome). It’s only slightly weird to see her play a 17-year-old when I saw that like six years ago. Guest spots tonight from Lisa Loeb and “famous cake designer” Sylvia Weinstock as themselves. Famous cake designers? Save that for next week’s season finale!

American Gladiators
7 p.m., NBC
Back in January, a revival of “American Gladiators” made sense given the raging writer’s strike and how starved we, as a nation, were for new programming. Now? Maybe not so much, but by premiering it today, they’re obviously trying to get a jump on the impending summer season, where “American Gladiators” again makes sense (with “America’s Got Talent,” the Olympics and other vaguely patriotic programming, NBC is dubbing their summer lineup “All American Summer”). We’ve got some new Gladiators this time, too - Phoenix, pictures, who apparently wears wings for some reason, and Jet and Rocket, formerly known as season one winners Monica Carlson and Evan Dollard, respectively.

How I Met Your Mother
7:30 p.m., CBS
Yep, Britney Spears is back. And it seems like there’s at least a storyline reason for it - she’s not happy with Ted (Josh Radnor) because of him pretending to be interested her the first time her character appeared, and Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) isn’t happy with Ted either, since they are no longer bros and all. This seems to be a mutually beneficial relationship - “HIMYM” was officially renewed today, and Spears has recently gotten increased visitation rights, so good for them. Season finale next week.

Samantha Who?
8:32 p.m., ABC
First season finale. I don’t really dig this show, but a lot of people evidently do, so you’re probably totally psyched to see what’s going to happen in the budding relationship between Samantha (Christina Applegate) and Todd (Barry Watson)! I guess they’re back together? Good for them! Crazy kids.

ALSO ON: “The Hills” (10 p.m., MTV), “The Bachelor” (9:02 p.m., ABC) and article-less “Medium” (9 p.m., NBC) see season finales and Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit fame shows up on “House” (8 p.m., Fox) in one of the more bizarre guest appearances in recent history.

Sup.

My article on the “American Gladiators” tryouts at the Pure Fitness in Chandler ran in the paper today. Read it here.

There were a lot of people there - like, crazy amount of people, stretched out around the shopping center to literally the other end of the building. I wish I had a video camera so I could tape how long it took for me to walk around the line.

Of note that didn’t make it into the article - it warmed my heart to find out that I’m taller than Wolf, who, according to his NBC bio , is 6′4″. Given that he had huge boots on, I’d say more like 6′. Scandal! Also, there were some scary female bodybuilder-types there, very leathery with voices a few octaves deeper than my own. I ran into a guy I went to high school with and haven’t seen since there, which made for kind of an odd moment. There he was, trying out for “American Gladiators.” There I was, covering the tryouts for “American Gladiators.” Good for us?

Is it your life’s goal to run across a narrow platform while buff men or women swing giant heavy balls in an attempt to knock you into a giant pool of water? Are you just hoping for a chance to meet the Valley’s own Wolf? Well, here’s your chance! “American Gladiators” is having an open casting call (looking for second season contenders), which stops in the East Valley next week. Here are the details:

OPEN CALL: CHANDLER, AZ
Saturday, February 9th, 2008
10:00am - 4:00pm
Pure Fitness
3029 N. Alma School Rd.
Chandler, AZ 85224

Remember to come in workout attire and bring a non-returnable photo of yourself along with a completed application. More information, and the application, can be found here.

Yes. It sucks that all scripted shows are stuck in repeats because of the WGA strike. I like intelligent TV. I watched “The West Wing.” I even sat through EVERY SINGLE EPISODE of “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.” If I wasn’t currently sans HBO, I would be watching last night’s fifth season premiere of “The Wire.” I like to consider myself a distinguishing viewer.

That being said, last night’s big return of “American Gladiators” was TOTALLY AWESOME.

Not only was it great to see my old friends Hulk Hogan and Laila Ali back on TV, but there was just something refreshingly simple and nostalgic about watching giant buff people swat spunky competitors with giant Q-tips. Earlier in the day, a friend expressed some doubt that “AmGlad” could succeed on prime time network TV, given that it was nothing more than syndicated Saturday afternoon fare in the past. Of course, standards for what makes it on prime time network TV have dramatically plummeted in recent years - while it may have seemed out-of-place on network TV 15 years ago, in a post-“The Simple Life” era, it’s downright highbrow.

And the show itself was just a lot of fun. It seemed to strike the perfect balance of being new “enough” and staying true to the original concepts that you’d hope for in a revival like this, though maybe that’s just because I don’t really remember the original all that well. As an Asian male, seeing a tiny Cambodian like Molivann Duy in the second episode run through most of the Gauntlet was rather inspirational. And Crush (nee Gina Carano, no stranger to mixed martial arts fans) - pictured - has to be the hottest female Gladiator in history. If I hear some snooty pencil-necked geek complaining about how we’re saddled with crap like this because of the WGA strike, I will gladly run them over in my Atlasphere.

It wasn’t all perfect. For instance, I know he’s getting a lot of Internet love, but that Wolf guy was kind of annoying. And…well, that’s it. The rest was all awesome. Fire in the Eliminator, come on.

It’s on again at 7 p.m. tonight. Watch it, or risked being KNOCKED INTO A POOL OF WATER.